Tag: Aliens

History FAQ (Funny Asked Questions)

It is a well-known rule that search queries which lead people to your website should be dealt with as actual questions depending on the amount of people using the search query, you know that at least one person is interested in the subject (as it comes to sex andnaked belly dancers a lot of people are intrigued). Now, some people actually phrase their search query as a question (remember AskJeeves?) starting with ‘what’, ‘how to’, ‘where’, … .Often these are err.. quite original.

Here are my favourites (capitalisation and question marks added where needed) in the categories ‘General (Lack Of) Knowledge‘, ‘Dr Hawass &Chasing Mummies‘ and ‘Things I’d Actually Like to Know Too‘from the last few weeks. I’ve tried to answer all of them, yet feel free to correct me when wrong.

General (Lack Of) Knowledge

Or ‘even in these economically different time we should NOTcut back on education’.

How to dispose of toxic waste in ancient Pompeii? I’m sure these people can help you out. Choose ‘proposals and competitions’ from the dropdown form. If they don’t get back to you, try your luck emailinginfo@ndrangheta.it.
What are the chances that a whale could live in the desert? Zero. Trust me on this one.
Does Cleopatra really made sex with 100 men? Doubtful, where did you hear this?
Does Cleopatra live under the Sphinx? Not likely (unless Mark Lehner refuses to share).
What are the secrets of the tomb behind the pyramid?Ah yes, that tomb and that pyramid. Well, if I were allowed to tell you, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it?
What is Boudicca? Did youmean ‘who is’?
What do Mayan experts say about 2012?NASAsays it’s bullocks.
Was Tutankhamun an alien? No, does he look like an alien to you?! Oh, wait… .
The Acropolis Museum, what’s wrong with its contents?Everything is past experation date.
What do I need to build Chichen Itza?I believe this falls under the category ‘don’t try this at home’. If you mean using the Facebook application ‘My Empire’, just give up and STOPSPAMMINGPEOPLEwith application invites. And no, we don’t want to get involved in your maffia war.
What is the Noah’s ark security key? Try 1111. If that doesn’t work, call tech support to reset your ark.
For what was Cleopatra famous for? Was it for Sex? Well, she was also ‘the last Queen of Egypt’. It is quite possible that had something to do with it as well.
What can you find with a metal detector? Read that question again.
What causes someone to dance topless?Try C2H5OH. Often used as well are $ and .
What is the naked archaeologist’s hat called? You have pictures of Dr Hawass naked?!
What did ancient queen Cleopatra use for a body wrap? Two different brands: Mark Anthony and Julius Caesar.
What is the King Tut sex position? Are we missing out on something? (After googling, we are _not_.)
Hello, can you please find out and tell me what spring and autumn equinox’s are. Thank u. Only because you’re asking so nicely! Here you go.
What are interesting facts about an archaeologist? That depends on the archaeologist in question. We like Ellie a lot.
What is an ancient smurf? Most likely something ‘photoshopped’.
In what period of time were there warriors? It is generally accepted that we started bashing each other’s skulls as soon as we managed to hold a rock, so that could be from as early as 3.400.000 years ago, and still going strong.
How to win on the battlefield? For console or PC? Here’s some advice from Alexander the Great.
What does Stonehenge look like today? What about searching for ‘Stonehenge +image’? But if you really want us to tell you, it is a bunch of really standing stones, more or less positioned in a circle.
What is a winged genius? A statue of Greek philosopher Socrates on a Red Bull.
What is the significance of the recent archaeological finds in China? Can you _please_ be more specific?
How did the Pompeii victims turn to stone? They didn’t. The famous images of the Pompeii victims show plaster casts of the bodies’ imprints in the ashes. The deceased were burried by ash, which lithified (becoming solid rock) before the corpses decayed. The bodies then disappeared, leaving a hole behind. Filling these ‘molds’ with plaster produced the amazing ‘statues’ of the humans and animals that died.
King Tut died of sickle cell does this mean he was black? *sighs*
Did Queen Cleopatra have dreadlocks? No, she wore wigs. She wasn’t black either.

On Dr Zahi Hawass & Chasing Mummies

I’ve been accused of being to critical, but clearly, I’m not the only one.

Is chasing mummies supposed to look real? As far as we can gather, yes.
What’s up with Zahi Hawass temper?Some would argueit is due to mistranslation andcultural differences.
Did Zahi Hawass join the illuminati? No official statement has been released by the SCA.
Why does Zoe pee? Wouldn’t you if you were stuck in a pyramid?
Is Zoe chasing dummies what university does she attend? (I’m not kidding.)
Does Zahi Hawass have to be on every Egypt film? Rumour goes this law should have passed months ago, were it not being blocked by the Egyptian Minister of Culture.

BONUS: What kind of hat does Dr Zahi Hawass wear on the show chasing mummies?We’re not quite sure, BUTif you travel to the Cairo Museum or visit the touring King Tut exhibition in NYC, you can purchase a replica. (I must note we also received an email requiring after the make of Kathleen Martinez’ headwear. Some marketing opportunities for travel-related clothing brands there?)

Stuff I’d Actually Like to Know Too

Some of the questions asked do make sense. I wouldn’t mind knowing the answer to:

Will the Philadelphia Cleopatra exhibition come to the UK?
Do they produce replicas of the Turin Erotic Papyrus? (There’s still room on the office wall!)
What is the scariest looking Greek god?
What did the Minoans say in Despicable Me? (I _so_ want to see that movie.)
What is the purpose of afterlife?
What are Cleopatra’s seduction secrets?
What happened to the Ninth Legion?(as we’re not entirely sure)
What country has 3 sided pyramids?

Easy Answers

How to get a job at the British Museum?Apply here.
How to defeat the kraken? Kill Medusa, usethe head.
What is missing from the Parthenon? The Elgin Marbles! (Well, that’s thesimplified answer, the long answer is ‘almost everything’.)
In what place is Tutankhamun now? We’re not entirely sure if he made it safely into the afterlife (Carter decapitating him an all that) but his mummy can be found in KV62.
Does the Louvre allow photography? Yes (except in the Denon wing and in front of the Venus de Milo)
Does it ever snow in Egypt? Yes. Pretty, isn’t it?

Homework

Teachers, recognize these questions? They were actually still numbered!Kids, I’ve tried answering them without looking on Heritage Key (or anywhere else on the internet) for theanswers, so don’t take my word for it.

What were the four Germanic tribes which comprise the group we know as the “Anglo-Saxons”?
Angles, Jutes, Saxons and err… err… ‘Fries’? Definitely not the Vikings or Normans, they settled later.
What is the debate over the British Museum’s ownership and display of the Parthenon sculptures?
Main points: a.) Was the removal legal? b.) As part of the friezes are spread over the world, shouldn’t they be made ‘whole’ again. c.) The BM once said they’d return them when the Greek had a safe place to store them, they now have the NAM. d.) ‘Who owns antiquities?’
In what part of the world is most cave art found?
Most ‘really old’ cave art is found on the European continent.
Why does so much controversy surround the excavations of Heinrich Schliemann (1822-1890)?
He ‘renovated’ the Knossos palace?

How did I do?Oh, and to theteacherasking 6. What was the capital city of ancient Britain?,is this a trick question?

If you are a history teacher or professional, what are the most absurd or entertaining questions you were ever asked? If you are a history blogger, have a look in your Google Analytics data under ‘traffic sources’ > ‘keywords’ > containing ‘what’, ‘who’, ‘does’, ‘where’or ‘aliens’and !

Without Evidence: Atlantis Theories, Slightly More Left of Centre

Plato has a lot to answer for when he wrote about Atlantis. Its been the inspiration behind TV series and Hollywood films; some even made for reasonable entertainment (think Captain Nemo and Man from Atlantis), and some, well sank (think Kevin Costner in Waterworld). Even James Bond, in The Spy who Loved Me, had an Atlantis element. He saved the earth from arch-villain Karl Stromberg, a powerful shipping magnate whose scheme for world domination was to blow up the land leaving the chosen few living safely beneath the ocean.

Atlantis has it all; an ancient thriving city with ambiguous plans to be a super power which disappeared somewhere into the ocean – perfect fodder for the imaginative theorist.

1. Atlantean Crystals

The renowned psychic Edgar Cayce first mentioned Atlantis in a reading in 1923. He proposed Atlantis was an ancient, now-submerged, highly-evolved civilization with ships and aircraft powered by a mysterious form of energy crystal.

This crystal was an Atlantean power crystal which gathered solar, lunar, stellar, atmospheric and Earth energies as well as unknown elemental forces. Cayce believed the Atlanteans used the crystal initially to rejuvenate their bodies and so had a youthful appearance despite being several hundred years old. He said the energy was also used to power crafts and vehicles which could travel on land, in the sky and under the sea at the speed of sound.

In the early 1970s this theory became popular again, when a naturopathic practitioner from Arizona allegedly found a mysterious crystal in a pyramid when he was separated from friends whilst diving from the edge of a submarine drop-off called The Tongue of the Ocean.

Although he hadnt a torch Dr Ray Brown entered the pyramid as apparently it was well-lit, though there was no direct light source. Inside he found a metallic rod with a red gem and a crystal sphere in a pair of metal bronze-coloured life-sized hands.

As Brown departed, he felt a presence and heard a voice telling him never to return. Dr Brown didnt tell authorities about the find or his experience until 1975 when he exhibited the crystal for the first time.

2. Location, location, location

Edgar Cayce also saw the location of Atlantis, with suggestions varying from the Pyrenees and Morocco to the Yucatan, in Mexico. However he suggested the Bahamas might be the best place to look:

There are some protruding portions… that must have at one time or another been a portion of this great continent. The British West Indies, or the Bahamas, are a portion of same that may be seen in the present. If the geological survey would be made in some of these especially, or notably in Bimini and in the Gulf Stream through this vicinity, these may be even yet determined.

Meanwhile, when the writer Graham Hancock put forward the theory that an unknown advanced civilization had existed on Antarctica, some suggested it was actually the lost city of Atlantis. Another suggestion for Atlantis location is the Celtic Shelf, the continental shelf surrounding much of England.

3. The Egypt connection

In one of Cayces readings, he said the civilization of Atlantis had entrusted their knowledge and technology to the ancient Egyptians, and even predicted that parts of Atlantis would rise in 1969. One of todays experts on the Giza pyramids, Mark Lehner started his Egyptology career as a follower of Edgar Cayce. Lehner first went to Egypt in the 1970s in search of the Atlantian Hall of Records which Cayce believed was buried beneath the right paw of the Sphinx.

Lehner converted to more traditional Egyptology after his initial journey to Egypt and went on to study in the American University in Cairo. He is now involved with projects such as the Giza Mapping Project.

4. The Nazi Quest

The Nazis pretty much touched base with every ancient legend/civilisation in their quest to find the origins of the Aryan race, and dominate the world with supernatural powers. And Atlantis was no exception.

Himmler was a member of the Thule society, named after the mythical land of Hyperborea-Thule. Some of the devotees believed Thule was the remnants of Atlantis. In 1935 the Ahnenerbe Forschungs und Lehrgemeinschaft (Ancestral Heritage Research and Teaching Society) was formed by Himmler tasked with providing scientific, anthropological and archaeological evidence to support the theories of the Thule Society and in so doing determine the origins of the Aryan race.

The science fiction writer Edward Bulwer-Lytton referred to the Thule in his novel The Coming Race, and inferred would-be world conquerors would receive a psychokinetic power called vril.

The Thule Society believed the mythical land of Thule lay between Greenland and Iceland. However one follower, Karl Haushofer, was convinced that the key to the harnessing of the power of vril lay in Tibet and in 1938 the Nazis led an expedition to study its inhabitants and explore the theory further.

(Author’s note:I think there’s a fifth Indiana Jones film in there somewhere.)

5. Atlantis in space

This list wouldn’t be complete without an alien theory, and the writer Alan Alford makes the case for Atlantis not being of earthly origins. Going back to its Egyptian roots, Alford claims Platos Atlantis was a political allegory or possibly an allegory for the creation of the universe.

He has suggested that Atlantis was in fact a metaphor for the primeval underworld, and was destroyed by a planet which blew up in some ancient era.

He writes: “This example of Atlantis, illustrates how the implications of an exploded planet cult in ancient Egypt extend well beyond the boundaries of Egyptology itself, leading to a radical reappraisal of the so-called ‘gods,’ which came down from heaven to Earth. The identification of these gods (the Anunnaki, the Nephilim, the Builder Gods of Edfu, for example) as meteoric planetary fragments inevitably begs the question whether God, the son of God and the angels of God are echoes of this ancient and profound inter-planetary creation cult.”

I am sure there’s far more theories out there – .But I wonder what Plato would think of all these?

For a more serious look at ‘Atlantis:The Evidence’, catch historian Bettany Hughes tonight on BBC Two in the Timewatch Special.

3D Aliens land at Stonehenge Virtual

5,000 years after they’ve helped construct the gigantic stone circle, aliens return to Stonehenge. Early this morning, the tourists standing in line to access the stones had a strange encounter:a little, green almost-human shaped extraterrestrial skipped the queue – the outrage! – and was the first thread on the almost sacred grass around the monument.

When asked what took them so long to return, alien scout Verde Raymaker stated:”Well.. errr.. we kinda lost track of the coordinates. Until they unearthed Bluestonehenge, an amplifier doubled the strenght of the signals emitted by Stonehenge, we did not have a clue we we’ve left it. We actually wanted to arrive during the Summer Solstice, you know, there’s more crowds then, but time travel is quite difficult, and you’ll always be a few days to a few hundred years off.” He then continued:”Actually, that is not such a bad thing. Now we can participate in the interstellar extraterrestrial Easter rock hunt.”

When will they be leaving? “Ah, we’re not sure yet. We certainly want to check up on the Pyramids and little Tiddles (red. the sphinx) first. We’ll see from there. Maybe we’ll take a holiday at Atlantis, this year.” Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Not incredibly funny? If you’re looking for better, we’ve listed the Best historical pranks and hoaxes of the last 100 years for you.

Is King Tut’s Necklace from Outer Space?

An alien necklace in King Tut‘s tomb? Too right, and it’s no myth or quackery. A pectoral found during Howard Carter‘s 1922 expedition to the boy-king’s funerary masterpiece is thought to contain the remnants of a meteor impact in the desert, thousands of years before the first stones were laid in Saqqara. The amazing story began 77 years after Carter’s discovery, when Italian geologist noticed something odd about a yellow-green scarab in the pectoral’s centre. Subsequent tests proved the lump of glass was older than any Egyptian civilization – a lot older, in fact.

After much research, experts traced the scarab back to the Great Sand Sea, 500 miles southwest of Cairo, in which there are huge lumps of glass poking out of the dunes. The general opinion is that a meteor hit the desert thousands of years ago, heating the sand enough to create lumps of glass. To give you an idea of the magnitude of this supposed impact, the first atomic bomb test created a thin layer of glass in the New Mexico desert – chunks of glass the size of human heads can be picked up in the Great Sand Sea.

Experts had long been put off the scarab’s extraterrestrial scent by Carter‘s own definition. In his records, the great explorer describes the jewel as being “greenish yellow chalcedony”. However, Vincenzo de Michele spotted that the gem was in fact natural desert glass in 1999, shooting him to the centre of one of Egypt’s great mysteries: a mystery not least because there’s no evidence a meteor has ever struck the desert.

“If this glass is of meteoric origin then there should be a crater of that age” – Farouk El-Baz

“If this glass is of meteoric origin then there should be a crater of that age,” says Boston University’s Farouk El-Baz. “But we did not find a smoking gun for silica (glass) there.” Chunks of glass were found in the Great Sand Sea by British surveyor Patrick Clayton, in 1932. “He ran into this funny area with this glistening stuff all over the place,” says son Peter. Could the scarab have come from some aliens who crash landed into our planet? There’s certainly no shortage of crackpot theorists who think Egyptians, Mesopotamians and Mayans traveled to the stars – could Tutankhamun have been one of Earth’s earliest cosmonauts? After all, we’ve got RoboScarabs roaming the pyramids!

How To Construct Your Very Own Pyramidiot Theory and Put it to the Test

When reading books, and especially when browsing ‘the interwebz’, one comes across the most hilarious, flabbergasting and ‘OMG, the pills you are taking, are those legal?!‘ pyramid theories. Sadly enough, the thrill is soon gone, as all those ‘pyramidiot’¹ stories fall back on the same basic protagonists aliens and the inhabitants of Atlantis and the same story lines ‘way older’, special vibrations, immortality with an occasional twist freemasonry, numerology and Supreme Council of Egyptian Antiquities conspiracy theories.

Composing a Pyramidiot Theory

Hence the challenge, write up your very best Pyramidiot Theory without using any of the stereotypes mentioned below. As any good scientist, you will support your theory with references and graphic materials².

Pyramidiot cliches to avoid: atlantis & atlanteans, aliens, UFO’s, mammoths, energy & energy lines, immortality, the Birth of Christ, interstellar communication, numerology. (Did Iforget any?)

Putting your Theory to the Test

Next step of course, is to put your theory to the test. My letter to the honorable Dr Hawass would read something like this:

Dear Dr Hawass,

This is an honor, your combination of stubbornness and enthusiasm is very familiar to me after years and years of seeing you on countless television programs. I visited the Pyramids in April 1997. I am a Belgian aspiring allergologist and read about the confusion that Carter did in the past, and that we, allergologists, accepted and reverberate until todays.

Recently I’ve had an intuition which may explain some mysteries such as who build the pyramids in the first place. My view is that the pyramids were indeed built by an advanced civilization: giant monkeys or Cercopithecidae – some of the many monkeys shown in Planet of the Apes. (see appendix A) We all know monkeys were important in ancient Egyptian religion, and the word ‘baboon’ is likely to be derived from old-Egyptonese. Illustration this is amongst others King Narmer’s ‘baboon’ statue, – a king descending from the previous gods, the giant monkeys and the monkeys in King Tut’s tomb paintings. Individually I believe animal intelligence & size was at a much higher level thousands of years ago although today collectively it has increased inversely (internet etc.).

Doubtless you are familiar the Bosnian Pyramid Hills. It seems to me the most ingenious and logical idea yet that those in their turn were constructed by giant moles as a reaction to the display of superiority by the cercopithecidae. (see appendix B)

My question is: what is your view? It would be fabulous to allow more research to prove or disprove (if possible).

My findings also support your theory that the pyramids were not build by slaves (although we can’t exclude the giant monkeys were keeping the early humans as slaves/cattle and maybe even as a source of protein intake).

Thank You about the attention that You can give me.
Ann

Taking your Theory into the Field

As it unlikely Dr Hawass’ office will deem your theory worthy of a reply if they do, you have just written the most superb pyramidiot theory ever we’re going to look for an easier going and less skeptic crowd totest our theory. Print out your supporting evidence or mine, images licensed CC Attribution and take it to your local pub, local spiritual gathering or to work if you’re up for a real challenge.

If your ‘insane’ rate is less then 80%, you have your self an awesome pyramidiot theory, and you may start contacting publishers or apply for a position teaching the ‘creationism’ theory.

Your Theory’s Insanity Ratio

To compute your insanity ratio, take the amount of people that ignore you, that say ‘you’re insane’, add the times you’re thrown out and detract 1 for each person that says: ‘wow! I didn’t know this’ and ‘do you have a book?’. Then divide that by the total number of people you’ve talked to or attempted to talk to and multiply by a hundred.

Best of luck, and do share your – surely – ingenious Pyramidiot Theories! 😉

¹ Pyramidiot: An idiot (hence, pyramidiot) who believes that the pyramids of Giza were built by aliens / atlanteans / mammoths / invisible pink unicorns. Usually related to those who believe that some re-carved glyphs at Abydos are in fact depictions of helicopters / UFOs / submarines / jet planes etc. (from the Urban Dictionary)
² Important in case your Pyramidiot scenario would every make it to press and the ‘sales’ racks on Amazon.com.