Its been a tense few days on the Heritage Key fantasy election trail. Since the worlds ancient leaders first went to the polls on Saturday, voters have turned out in typical numbers to exercise their right to vote. Early indications show that this years election is a two-horse race: firmly in the lead is Alexander the Great, with Romes Augustus closing in as a close second.
Alexander can certain talk the talk. But are the voters swayed by his powers of persuasion and provocative title, or are they actually voting for policies? Is rival Augustus the thinking historians choice, or is he really second-best to the frontrunner? As election day draws close, we outline the main policies of the leading candidates to help you select the right leader in Heritage Key’s fantasy election.
Alexander the Great – Big on Offence
Alexander the Greats Manifesto is heavy on defence. He proposes to spend a fortune on it … and on offence too. Voters might be put off by his ruthless invasions of other countries, but remember taxes from those countries paid for your ancient libraries, gymnasia and theatres. Do you really want to give those up?
Which brings us onto education. Like Boris Johnson, Alexander placed great stock in educating the masses. Having benefitted from an Aristotelian education himself, he set out to bring enlightenment to his people. One of his greatest achievements is the city and library of Alexandria (Philosopher Hypatia would be an ideal campaign buddy).
Education is high up on the agenda in his political manifesto, and lovers of literature, learning and the Classics will surely be swayed by his policies.
But a word of warning can we really trust Alexander with the economy? His track record is fairly dismal, with an over-indulgent military and considerable national debt.
Emperor Augustus – King of Family Values
In contrast to war-mongering, money-squandering Alexander, Augustus promises a return to family values. Its a popular policy that has been wheeled out by many parties since, and Augustus makes a convincing demonstration by imposing severe penalties on adultery and refusal to marry.
Voters hankering for electoral reform may also be interested in Augustuss policy on a new, autocratic, political system. Forget wayward ministers with their own agenda, or getting to grips with a hung parliament a vote for Augustus is just that. As an all-powerful one-man autocrat, hell certainly keep things simple, and not bother you with new leaders for quite some time.
Augustus promise of a free corn dole to citizens (make sure you read the small print before voting he doesnt mean everyone) is bound to prove popular, as is his habit of building cool new theatres and forums. But just be careful who youre seen there with. If, like many of us, you hanker back to the Roman era of debauchery and violence, then Augustus’ new world order might not be for you.
And what about Augustus the man? He may have the face of an angel, but can we trust our blue-eyed boy knowing that he changes his own name at the drop of a toga? Whats hiding amongst the folds of those previous identities?
Last Chance to Vote
Of course, you don’t need to go with the main parties. If you don’t want to vote tactically, you could always fling your vote at a no-hoper like Boudicca or Akhenaten, or even throw in your lot with dangerous heretic Qin Shi Huang or make a protest vote for Jesus.
Voting ends at midnight tomorrow (making it several hours ‘better’ than the UK election). You can only vote once, so think carefully – who do you want in charge?