History FAQ (Funny Asked Questions)

Absolute Antiquity ParodyIt is a well-known rule that search queries which lead people to your website should be dealt with as actual questions depending on the amount of people using the search query, you know that at least one person is interested in the subject (as it comes to sex andnaked belly dancers a lot of people are intrigued). Now, some people actually phrase their search query as a question (remember AskJeeves?) starting with ‘what’, ‘how to’, ‘where’, … .Often these are err.. quite original.

Here are my favourites (capitalisation and question marks added where needed) in the categories ‘General (Lack Of) Knowledge‘, ‘Dr Hawass &Chasing Mummies‘ and ‘Things I’d Actually Like to Know Too‘from the last few weeks. I’ve tried to answer all of them, yet feel free to correct me when wrong.

General (Lack Of) Knowledge

Or ‘even in these economically different time we should NOTcut back on education’.

  • How to dispose of toxic waste in ancient Pompeii? I’m sure these people can help you out. Choose ‘proposals and competitions’ from the dropdown form. If they don’t get back to you, try your luck emailinginfo@ndrangheta.it.
  • What are the chances that a whale could live in the desert? Zero. Trust me on this one.
  • Does Cleopatra really made sex with 100 men? Doubtful, where did you hear this?
  • Does Cleopatra live under the Sphinx? Not likely (unless Mark Lehner refuses to share).
  • What are the secrets of the tomb behind the pyramid?Ah yes, that tomb and that pyramid. Well, if I were allowed to tell you, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it?
  • What is Boudicca? Did youmean ‘who is’?
  • What do Mayan experts say about 2012?NASAsays it’s bullocks.
  • Was Tutankhamun an alien? No, does he look like an alien to you?! Oh, wait… .
  • The Acropolis Museum, what’s wrong with its contents?Everything is past experation date.
  • What do I need to build Chichen Itza?I believe this falls under the category ‘don’t try this at home’. If you mean using the Facebook application ‘My Empire’, just give up and STOPSPAMMINGPEOPLEwith application invites. And no, we don’t want to get involved in your maffia war.
  • What is the Noah’s ark security key? Try 1111. If that doesn’t work, call tech support to reset your ark.
  • For what was Cleopatra famous for? Was it for Sex? Well, she was also ‘the last Queen of Egypt’. It is quite possible that had something to do with it as well.
  • What can you find with a metal detector? Read that question again.
  • What causes someone to dance topless?Try C2H5OH. Often used as well are $ and .
  • What is the naked archaeologist’s hat called? You have pictures of Dr Hawass naked?!
  • What did ancient queen Cleopatra use for a body wrap? Two different brands: Mark Anthony and Julius Caesar.
  • What is the King Tut sex position? Are we missing out on something? (After googling, we are _not_.)
  • Hello, can you please find out and tell me what spring and autumn equinox’s are. Thank u. Only because you’re asking so nicely! Here you go.
  • What are interesting facts about an archaeologist? That depends on the archaeologist in question. We like Ellie a lot.
  • What is an ancient smurf? Most likely something ‘photoshopped’.
  • In what period of time were there warriors? It is generally accepted that we started bashing each other’s skulls as soon as we managed to hold a rock, so that could be from as early as 3.400.000 years ago, and still going strong.
  • How to win on the battlefield? For console or PC? Here’s some advice from Alexander the Great.
  • What does Stonehenge look like today? What about searching for ‘Stonehenge +image’? But if you really want us to tell you, it is a bunch of really standing stones, more or less positioned in a circle.
  • What is a winged genius? A statue of Greek philosopher Socrates on a Red Bull.
  • What is the significance of the recent archaeological finds in China? Can you _please_ be more specific?
  • How did the Pompeii victims turn to stone? They didn’t. The famous images of the Pompeii victims show plaster casts of the bodies’ imprints in the ashes. The deceased were burried by ash, which lithified (becoming solid rock) before the corpses decayed. The bodies then disappeared, leaving a hole behind. Filling these ‘molds’ with plaster produced the amazing ‘statues’ of the humans and animals that died.
  • King Tut died of sickle cell does this mean he was black? *sighs*
  • Did Queen Cleopatra have dreadlocks? No, she wore wigs. She wasn’t black either.

Search queries for 'chasing mummies'

On Dr Zahi Hawass & Chasing Mummies

I’ve been accused of being to critical, but clearly, I’m not the only one.

  • Is chasing mummies supposed to look real? As far as we can gather, yes.
  • What’s up with Zahi Hawass temper?Some would argueit is due to mistranslation andcultural differences.
  • Did Zahi Hawass join the illuminati? No official statement has been released by the SCA.
  • Why does Zoe pee? Wouldn’t you if you were stuck in a pyramid?
  • Is Zoe chasing dummies what university does she attend? (I’m not kidding.)
  • Does Zahi Hawass have to be on every Egypt film? Rumour goes this law should have passed months ago, were it not being blocked by the Egyptian Minister of Culture.

BONUS: What kind of hat does Dr Zahi Hawass wear on the show chasing mummies?We’re not quite sure, BUTif you travel to the Cairo Museum or visit the touring King Tut exhibition in NYC, you can purchase a replica. (I must note we also received an email requiring after the make of Kathleen Martinez’ headwear. Some marketing opportunities for travel-related clothing brands there?)

Stuff I’d Actually Like to Know Too

Some of the questions asked do make sense. I wouldn’t mind knowing the answer to:

  • Will the Philadelphia Cleopatra exhibition come to the UK?
  • Do they produce replicas of the Turin Erotic Papyrus? (There’s still room on the office wall!)
  • What is the scariest looking Greek god?
  • What did the Minoans say in Despicable Me? (I _so_ want to see that movie.)
  • What is the purpose of afterlife?
  • What are Cleopatra’s seduction secrets?
  • What happened to the Ninth Legion?(as we’re not entirely sure)
  • What country has 3 sided pyramids?

Easy Answers

  • How to get a job at the British Museum?Apply here.
  • How to defeat the kraken? Kill Medusa, usethe head.
  • What is missing from the Parthenon? The Elgin Marbles! (Well, that’s thesimplified answer, the long answer is ‘almost everything’.)
  • In what place is Tutankhamun now? We’re not entirely sure if he made it safely into the afterlife (Carter decapitating him an all that) but his mummy can be found in KV62.
  • Does the Louvre allow photography? Yes (except in the Denon wing and in front of the Venus de Milo)
  • Does it ever snow in Egypt? Yes. Pretty, isn’t it?


Teachers, recognize these questions? They were actually still numbered!Kids, I’ve tried answering them without looking on Heritage Key (or anywhere else on the internet) for theanswers, so don’t take my word for it.

  1. What were the four Germanic tribes which comprise the group we know as the “Anglo-Saxons”?
    Angles, Jutes, Saxons and err… err… ‘Fries’? Definitely not the Vikings or Normans, they settled later.
  2. What is the debate over the British Museum’s ownership and display of the Parthenon sculptures?
    Main points: a.) Was the removal legal? b.) As part of the friezes are spread over the world, shouldn’t they be made ‘whole’ again. c.) The BM once said they’d return them when the Greek had a safe place to store them, they now have the NAM. d.) ‘Who owns antiquities?’
  3. In what part of the world is most cave art found?
    Most ‘really old’ cave art is found on the European continent.
  4. Why does so much controversy surround the excavations of Heinrich Schliemann (1822-1890)?
    He ‘renovated’ the Knossos palace?

How did I do?Oh, and to theteacherasking 6. What was the capital city of ancient Britain?,is this a trick question?

If you are a history teacher or professional, what are the most absurd or entertaining questions you were ever asked? If you are a history blogger, have a look in your Google Analytics data under ‘traffic sources’ > ‘keywords’ > containing ‘what’, ‘who’, ‘does’, ‘where’or ‘aliens’and !