Disney World’s Own Terracotta Warriors

You know something’s in vogue when it pops up on The Onion, the world’s best-known satirical newspaper. And so it was this week that immortality-seeking First Emperor of China Qin Shi Huang made the grade following the ‘discovery’ beneath Disney World in Orlando of a “legion of terra-cotta Mouseketeers”.

According to the spoof article which was kindly sent to us by one of our Heritage Experts, Ethel Davies a Disney World maintenance crew discovered more than 8,000 ‘Mouseketeers’ underneath Cinderella Castle. The statues were thought to date back to 300BC.

It was likely constructed during the Pre-Eisnerian period, one of the bloodiest and most chaotic eras in the history of the Magic Kingdom

Within days of the discovery, the nation’s top archaeologists had begun excavating the massive subterranean army of fresh-faced clay youths, already considered the finest collection of relics from the Early Disney Dynasty ever unearthed,” The Onion reported.

It quoted a lead archaeologist by the name of Dr Robert Moore:

“Very little is known about the early history of the Disney civilization, so this is quite a significant find. By analyzing the crude markings above the doorway to the tomb, we’ve concluded that it was likely constructed during the Pre-Eisnerian period, one of the bloodiest and most chaotic eras in the history of the Magic Kingdom.”

The report goes on the say that the Mouseketeers were arranged according to rank: “The apparent king is shown seated upon a throne of skulls and bears a striking resemblance to Walt Disney.”

Three previous Space Mountains were also discovered at the site.

‘Disney historian’ Margaret Weaver told The Onion that the site also had the “faintest smell of cotton candy” about it.

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